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Okay mother fuckers, I saw Indy at midnight and it rocked the shit. Honestly, I have to say that Indy is in my top 3 for 2008 thus far, along with There Will Be Blood and Iron Man. This flick was entertaining from start to finish, and had little to no flaws. What I was amazed by was that when I left the theater, I was ranting about the awesomeness and about 14 people were like YO THIS SHIT BLEW YOU RETARD NO HOMO. I asked why, their responses:
"YO MAD ONE LINERS SO CHEESEY"
"ALIENS WTF IS THAT SHIT YO"
"YO BAD DIRECTING"
"YO GEORGE LUCAS WROTE THIS SHIT NO WONDER IT STANKS"
"SWORD FIGHTIN ON A TRUCK YO THAT SHIT WAS DRIVIN"
"DAMN SON HE SURVIVED IN THAT FRIDGE YO YARIGHHTT"
and my favorite...
"YO THAT MOVIE RUINED MY CHILDHOOD"
It really ruined your childhood?? Was watching the movie a visual time machine that brought you back to your childhood and Shia continuously ass raped you for the first 18 years of your life? Or did you stare at the crystal skull too long and it planted false memories of ass rapings and phallic torture? I don't understand how a movie can ruin a childhood, something that has been long over and done with. That's like saying IRON MAN RUINED WW2 FOR ME SO LAME.
Now, cheesy? It's Indiana fucking Jones...what did you expect? OF COURSE there are going to be one liners and cheesy jokes, have you not seen an Indy flick before? I'm starting to think most of you that hated it have yet to see another Indiana Jones movie...
YEAH DUDE FUCK ALIENS! Did you say fuck aliens that shit's whack when you loved Men in Black? Or Close Encounters of the Third Kind? Or Independence Day? Or maybe when you watched the X-Files for 9 years, you were saying fuck aliens the whole time I bet. Roswell and alien conspiracies were hugely topical for the 1950's, so it made sense to include this aspect. There were only 2 on-screen appearances of aliens and one of them was dead, and shown for about 7 seconds, and the other didn't speak or make any movements, and was only on-screen for about 30 seconds.
Bad directing? Spielberg could make a movie that's just him jerking off to his favorte Animaniacs episodes for a duration for 14 hours and you could still have merit for the guy. Spielberg is easily the best American director to have ever lived and you have no right to give him shit for this movie, which indeed was NOT poorly directed. When people make comments like that and have no means to back it up, that means they just want to sound smart and pick a subject most people won't rebut against because they're not entirely sure how to.
Yeah I know dude George Lucas can't write for shit man, the orignal Star Wars trilogy was garbage...shit dude he's so bad. LUCAS DIDN'T WRITE THIS FUCKING MOVIE ANYWAYS YOU MORONS! He came up with the STORY. He didn't write one sentence of dialog in the fucking flick. His fat ass was eating cheeto's at Skywalker Ranch going YEAHH UHH ALIENS FUCKIN CRYSTAL SKULL EL DERADO GOT IT CHIEF? WRITE THAT MOTHER FUCKER. And even if he DID write the screenplay instead of David Koepp, it would have been just as good. Lucas can WRITE, it's DIRECTING that he sucks at.
I'm not even going to go into the sword fighting and fridge flying, because who gives a flying fuck.
This was a good fucking movie and go spend your $9 on this amazing revival of classical hollywood filmmaking and don't let some douchebag on the internet who only watches CULT favoriteslike Donnie Darko tell you otherwise.
PS Kids: Cult Movies- 60% of the time cult is fancy talk for horseshit.
If you're banging a chick with narcolepsy and she falls asleep midway through, and you don't realize it and finish, is that rape?
I'm going to Florida be back in a week.
Big guy comes in, starts screaming about God knows what, maybe Halpert had stolen his car or something. Big Guy pulls out a sock full of nickels, then Schrute pulls out a can of hairspray and a lighter...THE OFFICE COMES BACK TONIGHT! Sweet, I'm pumped. Not 2-pump-chump pumped, like excited pumped. It was so fucking nice outside today too. Too bad I have to work, but oh well whatcha gonna do. Pilot's going good, got about a third of it written. Okay enough with the bullshit, time for the good stuff.
Don't you hate people who try to present themselves as being more intelligent than they actually are? You know, the dudes and chicks that type out shit for myspace then run it through a thesaurus and only list obscure movies and bands that they listen to that they actually never listened to and just saw that someone who's doing the exact same thing also pretended to like them. Then they take pictures of their shoes and pencils at a 67 degree angle and try to pull it off as being some groundbreaking piece of photography. I'm not quite sure the exact angle is 67, but it'd be too conformist to say something like 45 so I figured I'd stick to the theme at hand. Pictures become "photographs" and movies become "films" these people suck. The worst part is that most of the chicks that do this are really hot, it's such a waste of a hot person. You also tend to notice that the majority of these people are just like starting to hit puberty. How the fuck can you think your life is so unique and fulfilling when you barely have a full set of fur on your peaches? My favorite is when you ask them what kind of movies they like, they answer "INDEPENDENT ONES, INDEPENDENT MUSIC!" Actually they wouldn't use caps or the "!" because that's not very articulate. Like, independent like the Confederacy? A movie is a fucking movie who cares if it's independent or Steven Spielberg made it with a quarter-trillion dollar budget. The absolute worst part is that these people ruin really great things, the mere fact that someone who fits the following description likes something as much as I do then it looses all it's personal value to me.
SO! I was watching Walk Hard last night and realized how badass Buddy Holly's frames are, I think I might get some similar ones. Okay I'm done for today.
I'm really bored and in the midst of witting my pilot, so I'm not gonna have an extensive update today. But, instead, I'm going to share my thoughts on some movies out there that I think everyone should see in their lifetime. If there's anything in this world that I love besides tits and fast food, it's movies. It may come as surpise, but I don't have A favorite movie. If I did, this entry would just be an extensive biased rant on how that movie rules and nothing else will ever compare to it's greatness. SO, I'll tell you my top 5 favorite movies, why I love them, and why I don't give a shit what you think about them. Keep in mind, they are not ranked, rather just listed.
5. Oldboy
Oldboy is fucking amazing. Korean director Chanwook Park brings alive the popular manga, and creates one of the most beautiful movies I've ever seen. The cinematography in this movie is so fucking gorgeous, you almost wanna jerk off to it. Superb acting, amazing storyline, this movie has it all. It's generally loved by the majority of viewers, and kicked ass at Cannes. Fagtard Quentin Tarantino is obsessed with this movie, for quite a huge tool he actually has quite good taste in movies. It's got one of those hollywood "twist" endings, but it's definitely not super-lame I promise. If you see this movie and don't like it, I'll pry your teeth out with a hammer.
4. Boogie Nights
What do I love? Porn! Yes, good answer. What else do I love? Philip Seymour Hoffman? Yes, exactly! What else do I love? Luiz Guzman, fuck yeah! And what else do I love? John C Fucking Reily! This movie rules, it's got a cast full of badasses, some of the funniest things i've ever seen in a movie; as well as some of the saddest. For a 3 hour movie, I promise you that if you watch this you will not find yourself bored ONCE. Plus, Heather Graham shows her rack which is fucking sweet.
3. Annie Hall
This movie probably reflects my personality by viewing a single character more than any other movie I've seen. When I watch this movie I find myself thinking Woody Allen stole my life and made it into a movie. It's a shame I didn't see this film until recently, but better late than never. Also, if Woody Allen can make a movie about himself bitching and complaining then I can see a real future ahead of myself copying him.
2. Goodfellas
If you haven't seen this movie yet go fucking kill yourself.
1. Southland Tales
So many people hating on this movie, but it's fucking great. I love the Rock so much I wanna give the dude a big ol kiss. It's a really interesting movie with some hilarious dialog, and it's an interesting alternate parallel to the world we currently live in. If you watch it and hate it, please give it another chance I'm sure you'll fall in love with it. Or maybe it's best that everyone hates this movie, that way I sound fucking artsy and different when I tell everyone I love this movie regardless of the word of the majority. SO PUNK RAWK11!
Okay, I'm going to work and studying for economics, Thursday if I have time I'll post some of my pilot.
Yo! White Lightning is back for yet again another exciting insight at the world. I was at the mall today and Alex and myself realized, there are quite a lot of ugly people in this world. Out of the world population, what percent would you say is attractive? My guess was a shallow person would say 8%, and someone with little standards would guess about 20%. Personally, I'm gonna say about 14% of the world's population is attractive. Speaking of attractiveness, the skankiest looking 14 year old girl came into my work the other day. It was almost disgusting, I mean usually I'm all about checking out chicks that are coming over the horizon, but if this girl was my daughter i'd prolly punch her in the cunt.
How come on the internet people say shit like "haha" and "lol" at stuff that isn't even remotely funny, and had no intention to be funny in the first place? "Hey what's up?" "lol nutin." How is that funny? Last time I checked a basic polite greeting wasn't some groundbreaking hilarious comedy routine, but maybe I'm wrong.
Okay, time for the main event. It's not easy being pale as fuck. I mean, I don't mind it but the blond eyebrows and eyelashes put me from a smokin 10 to a slammin 8 in the eyes of some chicks (and dudes I don't leave any social group out). Now, being pale leaves me at large to have pale heroes, so I'm going to rundown the greatest pale men to ever walk the face of this earth.
1. Philip Seymour Hoffman
Now, I'm not going to go into great detail all over again about this big hunk of burnin oscar winning love, but I will garentee he prolly punched Reese Witherspoon in the cunt after this picture was taken, she indeed does deserve it.
2. Jim Gaffigan
Gaffigan is one hell of a comedian, and he is also Philip Seymour Hoffman's evil twin, which definitely grants him access to the hall of pale fame.
3. Mike White
This is the dude that wrote School of Rock and Orange County, 2 great comedies that no matter how much everyone tools on them, I will always enjoy. He's Ned fucking Schneebly, don't mess.
4. Paul Lieberstein
TOBY! Not only a cast member on my favorite show of all time, he is also a regular writer. Everyone is such a bully to the poor guy, I just wanna give him a hug.
Okay, that's it for today. I started pre-production on my pilot so more info regarding that next time. PEAAAAAAAAACE
DYNNNOOOMITEE! Alright, I started a blog. I have a lot of stuff on my mind and I feel that I should share it with the world, and by world I mean my 5 friends that will actually read this, and chances are they've already heard me rant about these things before. I decided that I'm going to wear my glasses when I write in this because it gives it more credibility. I realized that I'm awful at managing my money. Between a methadone addiction and having to juggling being a single mother by day/striper by night but not an all the way stripper the kind that keeps the bottoms on, it's not easy. And you may ask, Josh, how is being a single mother by day/striper by night but not an all the way stripper the kind that keeps the bottoms on a form of spending money? And I'll tell you why, I don't have a witty answer to finish a very unfunny joke so scratch that. Once in every man's life, one of their friends will ask them the golden taboo almost forbidden but in a sexy way question: Who would you go gay for?
My answer, is none other than Philip Seymour Hoffman
Now, many of you may say, why? I will tell you why. Fat chicks are just gross and don't deserve to be on this planet because they make me sick, but fat dudes are awesome. They have the best sense of humor, they know a good meal when they see one, they usually are pretty intelligent, and they don't get much action so when they get some they cherish it and are sweet dudes. Along with this, Hoffman seems like a very cultured man, and is easily one of my favorite actors. Overall he's a solid dude and most importantly, he looks like he could take a dick.
Now that's enough about tossing it to dudes, that's all for today.
